Songs: Life and Death
by GoodisRelative
Summary: The trials of Michael and Nikita's relationship. (Okay this is a pathetic summary, but it is a good story, I just am notsure what to put as the summary!)


Songs: Life and Death

By: Jennifer Ukeritis

  
  


Nikita thought back over her time with Section One. She had spend two years training, and one year with Michael as a cold op. Then Michael had set her free for six months and when she had returned, she spent two years under Michael before leaving. Next came her seven years in Australia. Then she spent six months at Section One before returning again to Australia.

  
  


Nikita remembered her time with Jurgen. She smiled, remembering how all thought she had fallen for him. She had seen through his ploy in the first minute. He had wanted to separate her and Michael. She played along, wanting to see what he was up to. At that time, no one had realized just what her freedom had shown her. She had seen a new view of Section in her six months out. She was no longer cut out for the real world. She saw how Michael had protected her and how she had made both of their lives miserable. Nikita had never let Jurgen have her body, contrary to popular belief. She had no heart to give, that had belonged to Michael since the first moment she had seen him. She knew that and excepted it. She saw how Michael could hurt her, and he did, but she was able to see the reasons he did. He was protecting her the only way he saw how.

  
  


But as time passed, the manipulations and lies began to pile up and they ate at her soul until she could no longer stand it.

She had gone home after one mission and cried. Her radio was up loud, but she really didn't hear the songs it played for her tears and emotions were too in control. Michael had yet again manipulated her feelings for the good of Section. That was one thing she still could not understand. She saw the bigger picture now, her world was one of shades of grey, but through it all, she knew she would never be able to understand Michael's loyalty to Section One. They had left his wife with the enemy for three years, allowing him to believe she was dead, they had killed his son, and tortured him countless times, yet he put their goals ahead of himself. He was loyal to them through it all. That was what Nikita could not grasp.

It was well after midnight when the tears finally stopped. And it was then that she heard the song.

  
  


****How do you numb your skin after the warmest touch?

****How do you slow your blood after the body rush?

****How do you free your soul after you've found a friend?

****How do you teach your heart to cry, to fall in love again?

  
  


Nikita started at the words. When the DJ announced the title and artist, Nikita was out the door. She found an open store and found the CD she needed and was home again thirty minutes later.

And there, she listened to the words. Words that spoke to her and summed up her relationship with Michael perfectly. Especially the few months after she returned to Section for him.

  
  
  
  
  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****How do you cool your lips after a summer's kiss? How do you rid the sweat after the body bliss? How do you turn your back on the romantic glare? How do you block the sound of a voice you'd know any where?

****Oh, I really should have known by the time you drove me home, by the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes. By the chill in your embrace, the expression on your face that told me maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive. Insensitive. Insensitive.

****How do you numb your skin after the warmest touch? How do you slow your blood after the body rush? How do you free your soul after you've found a friend? How do you teach your heart to cry, to fall in love again?

****Oh, you probably won't remember me, it's probably ancient history. I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you. I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch. I fell too hard, I feel too much. I though that you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive.

****Oh, I really should have known by the time you drove me home, by the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes. By the chill in your embrace, the expression on your face that told me you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive. How to be insensitive. How to be insensitive. How to be insensitive. How to be.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


Jann Arden's Insensitive. The perfect song for Nikita and Michael. And it brought home the truth. Michael would never jeopardize her life for them. She had to accept that he would never give into their desires while both were under Section control. She couldn't truly blame him. He had his past to blame along with Section. Yet, it hurt her more than his lies. And with the truth came her own realization. She could not stay with him. She needed to change and to do so meant leaving. She would call in the favor Operations owed her.

With her decision made, Nikita packed up the things she would leave for Carla and she packed up her CD's. Those would be all she would take with her. She needed a clean break from everything here.

  
  


Operations was surprised at Nikita's arrival into Section the next morning, although he didn't let it show. She had the day off today. As he watched her stride in, he noticed something different. She was dressed in black, from head to toe, and she had a purposeful stride. Something was definitely up when she headed straight for his office and not Michael's.

  
  


"I am here to collect a favor you owe me, Operations. I want a transfer. I want out of here and I want no one but you and Madeline to know." Nikita stated calmly and firmly.

Nikita couldn't have shocked Operations more if she had thrown a live grenade at him. And for once, he could not completely hide his shock.

"Why?" he questioned, reeling inside.

"Call Madeline in. I am only going to explain this once." Nikita answered and remained silent until she arrived. "I want a transfer to a substation. And not to Europe. Australia would be good. I want only you two to know the truth. Nikita is dead. Josephine is dead. They no longer exist and they will be erased from the files. My name will be Nina, codenamed Jewel. I can not work with Michael any longer. You have destroyed our team. Section, you have gotten your wish."

Madeline was just as shocked as Operations had been. She noticed the changes in the blonde and, for once, saw no emotion in her eyes. She had changed. She could teach Michael a trick or two, Madeline surmised, in a few years. She had warned Operations this would happen if they tested them too much.

Madeline nodded.

Operations shook his head. "Alright. It is done. Say your goodbyes. You leave in a few hours. Civilian transport."

  
  


Nikita, Nina now, had her letters ready.

She left Michael's in his office. He would be returning from his mission tomorrow. Then she went to Birkoff and Walter's stations and left their notes. They too were gone. In a way, she was glad. She did not want to have to lie to them.

  
  


By the time any one found their notes, Nina was in flight over Europe.

  
  


****"Dear Birkoff,

****This isn't easy to say and I know I took the easy way out. Goodbye my friend and don't ever change. You were the best. If you ever think of me, remember this.

  
  


****Do not stand at my grave and weep....

****I am not there. I do not sleep.

  
  


****I am a thousand winds that blow.

****I am the diamond glints on snow.

****I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

****I am the gentle Autumn rain.

****When you awake in the morning hush,

****I am the swift, up-flinging rush

****Of quiet birds in circling flight.

****I am the soft star shine at night.

  
  


****Do not stand at my grave and cry....

****I am not there. I did not die.

  
  


Love, N ****

  
  


Walter's note read the same. It was Michael's that was different.

  
  


****"Dearest Michael,

****I can't take the manipulations and lies anymore. I can't do this anymore. Please forgive me. You have my heart always, but I can't live like this anymore. That night may not have been a dream, but it should have been. I understand in some ways, but I can't take it anymore. I truly am sorry. When you said that I am the only part of you that is not dead, you lied. For if that was so, you would not have been able to save me all the times that you did. I snapped after our last mission together, I guess. This song that I enclosed helped me to put everything into perspective. Listen to it. Songs have always been our means of communication. Goodbye, Michael.

Love, N****

  
  


She did not say she was dead, but that was what all thought. As the months past, it was Walter who realized that she was not dead. She had left them. She had done the only thing she could do to survive, she left headquarters. But, Walter, with all of his connections could not find her, could not find which substation she had been transferred to. Walter knew why. She had finally realized the situation with Michael in glaring clarity. And she realized that she needed to prove to herself and Section that she could make it on her own. She needed time away from everyone to get over her broken dreams. What Walter didn't realize was that she wasn't planning on coming back and that she had changed.

  
  


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The first six months in Australia were her hardest. She didn't have the protection Michael had offered, she didn't have him or Walter or Birkoff, and she had to struggle with her changes. She became a shadow of herself. Her world became darkness and shadow. But without her heart, she soon realized that it didn't matter. And she got a thought when she realized that. ****Was that why Michael was the darkness and shadow, because he truly had lost his heart?**** She missed Birkoff, Walter, Michael, Madeline and even Operations. She missed her home, but as time passed, she forced her memories to dim and she became the perfect operative.

  
  


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Operations kept tabs on Nina and was shocked. She was Michael in every aspect. She no longer questioned authority, was ruthless and good at what she did, had superior control of pain. She had lost her soul. In the end, Operations realized, they had broken her and he wondered if that was a good thing. She had been in Australia over a year before he realized that she would not be coming back. He called Madeline in.

"She was never planning on coming back." Operations stated and showed her the file on Nina.

"We succeeded." There was no joy in her voice. "No, she isn't. We destroyed the best team Section ever had. She is no use to us or Michael like this. We needed her like she was to be a compliment to Michael. Start grooming another for my place and for yours. Michael will be no good as Operations without Nikita. I warned you before. It has come to pass." Madeline said sadly and walked into her own office. ****Damn!****

Michael had gotten over Nikita's loss. Just as the rest of Section did. But no one completely forgot her spirit. Michael was efficient as ever, but there was something missing, and everyone knew it. The spark of life that Nikita had given him was gone.

Walter and Birkoff cornered him one day.

"Time to listen, Michael," they both spoke after they had cornered him in his office.

Madeline saw what was going on and turned off the cameras and bugs in Michael's office.

"Nikita is gone Michael, but don't let her die. If you forget her, forget what she did for you, you will be letting them win. That would not be what Nikita would have wanted. She loved you, Michael, through it all. We know she did, and so do you. You know it in your heart, just like you knew this was no place for her. She was a passing light in Section's darkness. Do not let that light she brought go out, Michael." Walter spoke softly. He had told no one his suspicions and never would. She had wanted it this way and that was the least he could do for her.

Walter signaled Birkoff and they left. Michael sat, shocked, thinking. And he knew Walter was right. He couldn't let Section win this time. He would keep Nikita alive within him.

  
  


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Meanwhile, Nina was coping and at the end of one year, she won a major battle. Her soul was locked deep inside her. She had become Michael in most ways. She still kept a bit of her flare and she tried to protect the innocents if it didn't interfere too much with Section goals. She kept a bit of color in her life as well. She wouldn't surrender completely to the darkness.

Exactly a year after she had arrived in Australia, a person she had allowed to get slightly to get close to her gave her a CD with these instructions:

****Play the first song. Forget that it is country and listen to the words.

Do they remind you of anyone?****

  
  


So Nina did and she smiled her first complete smile in a long time. The words fit her perfectly. 

  
  


****Who's that girl? I believe I've seen her face before. Who's that girl? I hardly recognize her any more. I don't believe I've seen her lookin' better. Now she's back and got her act together. She ain't draggin' round that same old heartache. She ain't looking through innocent eyes. And though it's clear in the mirror, it's hard to believe that it's really me. Who's that girl?****

  
  


She listened to all the songs and like most of them. Her tasted were changing. She rarely played her hard rock anymore. Soft music was more of her thing. Celtic music was her favorite.

  
  


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As the years began to pass, Michael was on a mission when he was forced to be in a country and western bar. He completed the mission, but in the middle of surveillance, he froze. The words to a song caught and held him. They spoke of Nikita perfectly.

After debriefing, Michael headed out. He made one stop on his way home. He bought a Garth Books CD, Wild Horses. He was never one for country, but that song would not let him go. And at home, he listened to the song over and over again.

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****She's sun and rain, she's fire and ice

****A little crazy, but it's nice

****And when she gets mad, you best leave her alone

****'Cause she'll rage just like a river

****Then she'll beg you to forgive her

****Oh, she's every woman that I've ever known

  
  


****She's so New York and then LA

****And every town along the way.

****She's every place I've never been.

****She's making love on rainy nights

****She's a stroll through Christmas lights.

****And she's everything I want to do again

  
  


****It needs no explanation

****'Cause it all makes perfect sense

****For when it comes down to temptation

****She's on both sides of the fence.

  
  


****No, it needs no explanation

****'Cause it all makes perfect sense

****When it comes down to temptation

****She's on both sides of the fence

  
  


****She's anything but typical

****She's so unpredictable

****Oh, but even at her worst, she ain't that bad

****She's as real as real can be

****And she's every fantasy

****Lord, she's every lover that I've ever had

****And she's every lover that I've never had.****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


It was Nikita. There was no other way it could be. It seemed as if the words were written for her. He wished that he could give her the song, communicating things he never could, but she was gone. So he listened to it each day, to remind himself of her, to keep her alive within himself.

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The years passed. Time flew and memories did fade. Nina never forgot who she had once been or those she had once loved. She could never banish them from her heart, but she lived with that and with the person she had become. At times she smiled a secret smile and others around her wondered what she was thinking. Other times she had a distant look in her eyes and they wondered where she was. But the looks and smiles never lasted more than a second and many wondered if they actually had seen them.

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Five years had passed when her two words collided again. Nina had been called in and was surprised. The voice whispering her name had been the leader of the substation, not the one who normally did. Durango's voice was a surprise, but so was being called in. She had just returned a few hours ago from a month long mission and Durango had personally told her to take the next few days off. The mission had to be important.

She headed straight for Durango's office and stopped dead when she heard the other voice inside the office. She knew in that split second that something had happened to Michael. Taking a deep breath, Nina went inside.

"Nina, I believe you know Madeline," Durango spoke first, a hint of a question in his voice. He knew nothing about her past before Australia.

"Yes, it has been a long time," she said, her voice neutral. Her eyes did not betray the turmoil her thoughts were in.

"Nik-Nina, Michael has been captured. I know you just got back from a long, tiring mission, but you are the only one who can rescue him." Madeline spoke directly. She knew Nina would not appreciate her usual bush beating and there was no time for it. Michael needed to be rescued NOW.

"I can leave in five minutes. Walter and Birkoff will be ready for me, correct?" Nina nodded, letting the slip pass.

"Yes. I'll brief you on the plane then." Madeline answered and they both headed out.

Nina needed to stop at her office for a few things and then she hit Miller's station. There were a few weapons she wanted from him for this mission. Durango had authorized Miller to give her anything she wanted and for that Nina was glad.

"Don't ask," she had told him before he could question her. This was some thing that no one would know about.

  
  


"He was captured by Legion. It wasn't supposed to happen. There is a mole. Operations is working on that. There can be no back-up. We simply don't know who to trust. Birkoff will have everything ready for you on intelligence. Walter has some equipment. I am sorry Nina, but there is no one else." Madeline told her after giving her all the details she had.

"It will be fine, Madeline. I knew the second I heard your voice. And you knew I would do it. There were no questions. I may have changed, but Michael still has my heart. I don't turn my back on friends." Nina told her simply.

Madeline nodded. They both needed some sleep.

  
  


Birkoff was shocked at who walked into the briefing room. She was a dead ringer for Nikita, but with shorter hair.

Walter smiled, hugged her and said, "Good to see you again, Sugar."

"You, too, Walter. You, too," Nina smiled. "How's the oreos, Birkoff?"

"Nikita?" Birkoff questioned, in complete shock and amazement.

"Nikita is dead. She died five years ago, Birkoff. I know you got the note. It is Nina, codenamed Jewel." Nina spoke evenly. "Talk to me Birkoff. What do you have for me?"

Both Walter and Birkoff saw the shift in her. She was in what they called machine mode. She had learned well from Michael.

Birkoff gave her the little information he had then Walter gave her some of his new toys. Nina waved away some of the toys and suggested others.

Then Operations summoned her.

"Thank you, Nina," he told her. She saw the fatigue in his eyes. He looked tired and older than he ever had before.

She nodded and headed out. It was time to get Michael.

  
  


The mission went well until she reached Michael. He was barely conscious and so drugged that he would never be able to make it out by his own power.

In to her com set, Nina spoke softly. "Change of plans. Meet me at ..." She had planned an alternate escape for this situation.

It worked. Thirty six hours later, they were back at Section One. Michael was in MedLab. He had not woken up since she had found him. Her two bullet wounds had been checked out and patched. She stayed by his bed until his eyes fluttered open for a second and he croaked out her name.

"Shhhh," she whispered and he lost consciousness again.

Nina headed to Operations' Tower then. It was time for her to head back. She knew Michael would be fine.

"I'm leaving for Australia in three hours. He will be fine." She spoke without emotions.

Operations nodded.

This time she said goodbye to them. And before she left, she had their word that Michael would not know that she was the one who rescued him. All he could know was that Nina, codenamed Jewel, had retrieved him.

Nina sighed once she was on the plane. She knew she would need some time before her next mission. She hoped Durango would understand. Besides the two bullets, she needed to repair the damage to her walls.

  
  


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Time passed. Walls were rebuilt, mostly.

  
  


Time continued to pass. Nina's missions went well- the goal was achieved with usually minimal casualties. Operatives liked working with Jewel, although she was pretty much called Nina now for everything. She was a team leader and had one trainee.

  
  


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Then it happened like all things do. Fate decided that she needed to step in and change things.

  
  


It was a routine mission- it should have been simple. Nina had thought of every possibility, every scenario except infiltration by Legion forces.

"Fall back!!" she yelled through her com set to her team. "To the van, NOW!"

A minute later she heard the report that all were back except for her.

Nina knew then that her thoughts had been confirmed. Legion was after her. If she headed back to the van, her team would be killed. If she diverted attention, they had a chance at escaping.

Nina prayed her thoughts were right, that Legion would go after her and not the van. "Head back NOW!" she ordered. "Tell Durango that Legion is here. I will get back on my own. They want me!"

  
  


Durango was visibly upset at Quinten's message. His first action was to place a call to Operations in Section One.

  
  


"We have a situation. It's Nina," he spoke and gave Operations the details he had at the moment.

Operations cursed and barked, "Keep me posted!"

  
  


Twenty hours passed without word. Durango knew the worst had happened. Nina would have contacted them by now if she was free.

  
  


"Operations, it has been twenty hours. She would have made contact by now if she could." Durango reported.

  
  


Operations cursed. Madeline saw his worry clearly as he paced.

"Birkoff, Walter, Michael!!! My office, NOW!!" he yelled. Most in Section One heard him.

They all wondered what had Operations so upset.

  
  


"SIT!" he barked and continued to pace. "We have a situation. Legion struck twenty hours ago. They took an operative who knows too much-- almost as you Michael. We need her back. There is NO room for failure. Birkoff, start tracking. Michael, Walter, you are on standby until we have the information needed to make a rescue attempt." Operations paused.

Walter used the pause to state something. "It's Nina." He had known the second Operations had said 'she'.

"Yes. This is all the information we have," Madeline took up the talking and handed them the intel.

Birkoff and Walter joined Operations in his worry. Michael saw it and even Madeline's. He wondered what was up.

"Who is Nina?" he asked, letting his confusion show slightly.

Operations answered with a slight shake of his head 'no' to everyone else. "Nina, codenamed Jewel. She is a team leader in our Australian substation." Silently he handed Michael her file. It was missing the picture.

Michael was surprised at her file. ****Why isn't she here?**** His mind wondered. He also wondered at the missing picture.

"This is a picture of her," Operations continued and handed the younger operative the latest picture of Nina. She had recently dyed her hair for a mission and the her color had yet to grow back to its natural pale blonde.

****She looks a lot like Nikita! **** Michael thought, but pushed the thought away. There was no room for such thoughts on this mission.

"She won't break. She never has before. But she is not to be lost. She is not acceptable collateral in this case. I want her back and I want her back alive! Dismissed!" Operations told them.

Madeline stayed. "Are you sure it is wise not to tell him who she is?"

"I promised Nikita. I want him functioning for this mission. If we tell him now, he won't be ready for the mission and he is the only one who can get her back. I can't risk her life. While on the mission, he will be in machine mode and get through it. Walter will help him and so will Nina. Besides, Nikita is dead. We have seen that much over the last five years." Operations answered.

  
  


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A week passed and Nina suffered through everything as she had before. She offered no sound throughout it all. And they tried it all. Beatings, drugs, electroshock, even the unimaginable.

Legion, knowing that Section would want this one back, knew they had little time, so they used what they had well. It was nonstop. Nina was almost glad, she didn't have the time to think of what was going to come, but she was getting very close to the end of her tolerance. She knew she had very little time left before her body and mind betrayed her. She would give nothing up, that she did not question, but soon her body would shut down and her mind would soon after.

In a brief moment of silence, her mind recalled a picture of Michael and for one split second, her mind wondered about him. And she allowed herself to think of him and how she wanted one more time to tell him that she loved him. She had never voice those feelings, yet now she wished she had and damn the consequences. But then the torture continued and Michael soon disappeared from her mind.

  
  


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A week and three days had passed since Nina had disappeared. Quinten and Miller were anxious about her and getting upset with Durango. He wasn't telling them anything.

"Drop it guys. Section One is heading a recovery attempt. We have no involvement," Durango finally relented.

  
  


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Finally, two days later, Birkoff got a possible fix on her location.

"Call the Australia sub. I need their computers when we arrive." Birkoff reported to Operations.

  
  


The three were on their way within the hour.

  
  


"Move." Birkoff commanded to the person sitting at the mainframe.

Quinten jumped and questioned, "Who are you?"

"Move or die." came Birkoff's reply. Quinten was staring down the barrel of an .45 cal automatic.

Just then Durango ordered, "Quinten, move. Birkoff has the computers. He's one of the people running the recovery attempt on Nina."

Quinten was out of the way in a flash. "Let me know what I can do to help."

"Oreos," came the clipped reply.

  
  


Michael and Walter suited up.

"Okay, this is where she is. This is your best entrance and, depending on Nina's condition, these are your best ways out. Be ready, though, guys. She isn't going to be in good shape." Birkoff explained the layout to them.

Michael nodded, committing to memory the entire layout of the building and surrounding area.

It was Walter who spoke next.

"Nina is the one who got you out two years ago after Legion captured you. She went in alone cause no one could be trusted. Operations is right. There is no margin of error. We get her out or cancel ourselves."

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Going in wasn't as bad as expected.

It was the sight of Nina that stopped Michael and later, Walter.

  
  


"Nikita?" Michael whispered, confused.

"Michael?" her voice was barely a whisper. Then her strength returned. "My name is Nina. I am a photographer." She refused to believe the voice. This was a rare break in her torture.

"Michael, did you ... find.... her?" Walter asked, his voice fading in the end, as he stepped into the room and saw her.

Nina heard a gasp.

"Walter?" Nina questioned, her mask slipping again.

"I am here, Sugar. Michael and I are here to get you out," Walter replied, getting over his shock. They didn't have time for discussions now.

Michael glared at Walter. They would talk later. Michael knew now was not the time.

When Michael picked her up, she had to force herself not to cry out in pain.

"I can walk," she tried to whisper. "I just can't see."

"I have you. Relax." Michael answered.

Nina recognized his machine mode. She didn't insist. She wasn't sure she could actually walk anyway. It was a reflex response to protest and carry on.

  
  


Getting out proved to be difficult. Walter and Michael both took a hit. When she felt Michael take the bullet, she forced herself out of his arms. Her machine mode, Jewel, took over. Once she was on her feet, she took Michael's spare weapon and joined in the fire fight.

"Michael, get her out of here!" Walter ordered.

"No way in hell am I leaving you here, Walter. We all go!" Jewel countered. Her voice was not one to mess with.

  
  


They all made it out, a little worse for wear, eventually.

  
  


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Two days later, the four of them were en-route to Section One. Michael had not spoken to anyone. Nina had been unconscious most of the time.

"She didn't want you to know, Michael. She knew that she was tearing you apart. She, also, couldn't take the manipulations anymore or the lies. She had changed, Michael. She is no longer Nikita. She is Nina and Nina is a mirror image of you. She has learned well from you." Walter told him, gently. It was time the boy listened and heard the things he did not want to.

Michael glared at him, but Walter could see the question in his eyes. He would never voice it, Walter knew, so he answered it without making the boy ask.

"I knew a few months after she left us our notes that she was alive. The poem she sent to Birkoff and I finally dawned on me. Birkoff has known since she rescued you. I suspect Operations and Madeline have always known."

Michael nodded and turned to stare out the window again.

  
  


Nina's cry of pain an hour later had him out of his seat and by her side in a flash.

"Shhhh. Easy. You are free. You are on a plane en-route to Section One," Michael whispered, soothing her hair back. His voice seemed to calm her, so he continued to whisper soothing words. He never could stand her in pain, so his turbulent emotions and thoughts were put on hold.

  
  


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"Sweet Jesus!" Operations whispered at the sight of Nina hours later.

Nina had only been held captive 15 days, but it looked more like years.

"Hi, Operations," she whispered, turning her head towards the sound of his voice, before losing consciousness again.

  
  


Four hours later, Operations, Madeline, Walter, Birkoff and Michael had a report on her condition.

"She is stable. Her body has been through hell. Beatings, electroshock, drugs, anything and everything possible they tried. If we had been a day or more later, she would not have been rescued. Her mind and body would have shut down. It isn't plausible that she has survived what she has. Her blindness seems to be temporary, maybe a re-injury from the last time. Her previous bout with blindness has probably left her more susceptible to it, but it will help her too, for she knows what to expect. But these unfamiliar surroundings will make it hard for her. Someone will need to be with her at all times and especially when she is released from MedLab," a doctor reported on the extent of her injuries.

  
  


Even though she never knew it, Walter, Birkoff, even Madeline and Operations visited her daily. Michael never did and that she did know.

  
  


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Madeline watched two weeks pass without Michael visiting Nina. She knew he felt betrayed. That it was like Simone all over again. But he felt like Nikita had broken his trust. And he didn't know who this new person was.

"Michael, please come to my office," Madeline told him.

Her voice did not allowed for refusal. He knew she wanted to discuss Nikita-- NINA.

  
  


"Michael, I know you haven't visited Nina. I won't force you to for now, but there are things you need to know before you judge her so harshly. There are things I feel you should be aware of," Madeline spoke straight with him. "Nikita, actually she was Nina by then, went to Operations seven years ago and demanded a transfer. There had been too many manipulations. That was Operations and my fault and we do take responsibility for that. But she had changed. She had from the moment you brought her back, or really, she came back. She saw Jurgen's plan and chose to play along to see what he was up to. She saw the bigger picture, the reasons you lied to her. But as Nikita, you could still hurt her, destroy her. So, to survive, to save you and herself, Nikita had to die. Nina was born. She molded herself into the perfect replication of you. She had no regrets. She was doing what she could to protect you and her soul, just as you had always done. She also needed to prove herself to herself and to Section. You have seen her file, you know what she can do. She is the operative you knew she always could be. It may not have happened the way you wanted it too, but it did. She rivals you in planning and executing missions. She keeps her team safe. That is why she was captured. She saved her team knowing that Legion was after her. Sent the van away, knowing that if she didn't, they would die. But she also rescued you when I asked her to. Ten minutes after she knew you had been captured, we left. She never hesitated. She knew she was on her own. She took two bullets getting you out, but she never let that slow her down. Her tolerance for pain may have you beat. She allowed MedLab to patch her wounds, but nothing more. She stayed by your side until you woke up two days later and she knew in her heart that you would be fine. She knew it would partially destroy the peace that she had built. And it did, it took over six months for her to basically rebuild her walls and return her peace. But she would have done it again in a heart beat. The Nikita you seek, Michael, is inside her. You must search for her. You must come to terms with your feelings. I will not, for the time being, force you to see her. I know you are hurt from her deception. You feel she betrayed your trust. She was doing what she felt was right to protect you, just as you have always done. But remember this. She never told you she was dead. Think about it, Michael. Nina needs you to help her find a balance between Nina and Nikita. She can survive as neither anymore. You will destroy Nina as your lies and our manipulations and tests destroyed Nikita. Only you can help her find a balance. You have kept Nikita alive inside you. Return her." Quietly, she walked out of her office, allowing him time to assimilate her words.

Michael knew that Madeline was correct in saying that the old Nikita was still somewhere inside of Nina. He could tell that by her reaction to his voice on the plane. But he was not sure of the rest of her words.

  
  


Madeline went to see Operations.

"I think I may have gotten to him. But, with Michael you never know. This time, we allow them whatever they want as a relationship. If we interfere, we loose them both. He will bring us a new Nikita and she will help Michael. We pushed too much last time. I won't allow that to happen again." Madeline told him fiercely.

"I know. I never expected Nina. I am sorry we caused it. It hurt them both more than I thought possible. We need the team they can be, they once were. He is to be the one who stays with her. Unless the mission is of the utmost importance, he is to stay with her. He won't be suitable for many missions, anyway. She will stay at his place after she gets out of MedLab and until her sight returns. They need to confront their feelings and they won't if we don't force them together." Operations agreed.

Madeline smiled. She agreed with Operation's strategy.

  
  


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another two weeks passed before Nina was allowed out of bed.

"I DON'T CARE!! I want out of here!" She ordered. She hated MedLab.

Nina recalled the layout of Section and could maneuver around well by herself.

She visited Birkoff and Walter, talking some. Then she went in search of Michael. It was time they had a talk.

  
  


Michael found her a few hours later asleep in his chair.

"It is dye. I did it for a mission and it hasn't grown out yet." she whispered, turning her head to where she heard his breathing.

She remained silent, waiting for him to say something. It was a long time before he did. Nina was beginning to doubt if he would. Section had trained them both well.

"When were you blind before? Why?" he asked, finally breaking the silence. He needed to know the answer.

Nina slowly sat up and then went to removed herself from his chair.

"Don't get up," Michael commanded. He saw how tired she was.

Nina offered a slight smile and tried to loosen the tension in her shoulders. Michael noticed her actions and moved behind her. He always had tried to ease her pain, well Nikita's pain.

"About six months after my mission to recover you. I got caught in a blast. Between the heat, the blast and the blow to the head, I was left blind for over two months. It is amazing how other senses accommodate your loss of sight." she answered, relaxing under his touch. "Thank you."

Nina got up to leave. She needed to head back to MedLab. She was tired. And soon they would come looking for her. 

At the door, her voice was whisper soft when she told him, "Who you search for is within. You must look further."

Michael wasn't even sure if it was her voice, the words were like the wind.

  
  


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nina had been in MedLab for two months, then she spent a month in Section quarters.

Michael received his orders then. 

"Look after Nina. She is to stay with you until her sight returns." Operations told him.

"Deal with her and your feelings Michael. I told you I would not force you to see her at the time. The time has come." Madeline added.

  
  


Nina had been at Section One for three months when Michael came for her.

She could sense his anger and seconds later knew its cause. Yet she also knew what Operations and Madeline were doing. Nina knew they were correct. They needed to confront each other. Michael needed to air his feelings about her and she was the only one who could force him to. But she had to wonder if she had the power. Nikita never could. Nina was too much like him to. That left the only option as she needed to change again. But she knew that was going to happen anyway. She couldn't survive close quarters with Michael and not regain some of Nikita. She just wondered what it would cost her.

  
  


Michael took her around his house, detailing where everything was. Nina familiarized herself with the layout as they walked.

"It is beautiful, Michael," she whispered, envisioning the house. She wondered if she would ever really see it. She didn't mention the difficulty she would have moving around in it. The part of her that was still Nikita didn't really care. She wanted to spent some time with Michael, even if he hated her. She knew the consequences, though, and resigned herself to the battle. Nikita and Nina fought for control.

  
  


It was late, so Michael settled her in a room and then went to his own.

Nina did fall asleep for a few hours. Michael checked on her, moving a chair for him to sit in and watch her. She slept like Nikita had years before. Still she was at peace in her sleep. He wondered how she was able to, but knew he would never ask.

He left before she woke up and his mind questioned why he was watching her after her betrayal.

  
  


Nina woke up a hour after Michael left and knowing she couldn't sleep anymore, and headed for the balcony and the chase lounge she knew was there. On her way, she cursed as she hit a chair that hadn't been there before.

****Had he been here watching me as I slept?**** she wondered. When she had made it to the chair, she thought about her nightmares and allowed the tears to come. Nightmares always allowed her only a few hours of sleep. This time, they were of Michael and what was happening. She feared he would never forgive her and hated her for her betrayal of trust. There had been a few times she had allowed herself to wonder at Michael's reaction to her betrayal, and so far, she had been correct. She knew he had never visited her in MedLab. She wondered what would happen if Nikita won and he hated her. 

  
  


Meanwhile Michael heard the noise and placed it in Nina's room. Weapon drawn, he slipped into her room silently.

"I am sorry to wake you, Michael. I just tripped on a chair I didn't remember being there. I am sorry," Nina whispered, giving him an out. She quickly wiped her tears away.

Michael blinked and lowered his weapon.

"Sorry. I moved it," he whispered back. He didn't take the out he knew she had supplied for his benefit. He approached where she was sitting. "What is wrong?"

Nina smiled softly and moved so he could sit. When he did, she stayed with her back straight. She didn't want to burden him with unwanted contact. He never did like physical contact unless he initiated it. There was nothing about Michael she had forgotten, she had just repressed it.

Michael eased her shoulders back so she leaned against him. He knew sitting straight was hurting her.

"I am sorry about how I left. I just couldn't live as Nikita anymore. I needed to get away. That song, ****Insensitive,**** helped me to see a lot, especially the way I was allowing Section One to hurt us. We were allowing it to hurt each other. I couldn't deal with it anymore. So I called in a favor Operations owed me and transferred. I thought Nikita was dead. I became Nina and I did lock my soul away. To survive, I became you. But Nikita is not dead. I know that now. I knew it after I rescued you, but I banished the thoughts then. I don't know who I am anymore, Michael. Seeing you, sharing space with you, brings Nikita to the surface again, at least partially. And it scares me. Without Nina, I can't survive your hatred of me. I know you feel betrayed. I am sorry for that. I wish there had been another way, but I couldn't survive with you back then." Nina spoke softly, truthfully.

Michael was silent for a long time.

Nina sighed and moved to get up.

"I need some more sleep. I should be able to sleep for another few hours before the nightmares return." Nina whispered and got up.

Michael stared at her. ****Her sleep wasn't peaceful? She didn't get through the night without nightmares? She had become me! ****

"I don't hate you," he whispered and slipped out of the room.

Nina heard him and released a sigh of thankfulness.

"Just let go of the guilt, Michael. I didn't become you because I wanted you to hate yourself more. It was the only way for me to survive this life. I have learned a lot. I couldn't see a way to stay with you and reveal the changes in me. So I took the easy way out and left. And I am sorry I betrayed your trust," she whispered after he had gone. "I allowed you and Section to use me."

Michael, after allowing her time to fall asleep, slipped back into her room and watched her. When the nightmares came, he took her into his arms and eased them back. He fell asleep listening to the soft, easy sounds of her breathing.

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time passed and things became easier between them, but they didn't air their feelings anymore. Michael learned the difficulties of having a blind person in his house. But they managed. 

Soon Nikita's body was pretty much healed. Her mind was another story. But she had come to a decision. Her internal war was almost over.

  
  


She booked a seat on a plane to Australia, and a sent a timed delayed e-mail to Operations. She was on her way.

  
  


She was over the Pacific Ocean when Operations got her e-mail. Everyone knew something was wrong by the bellow heard throughout Section.

Michael found her note when he got home. ****I had to go back. There are things I need to take care of. N****

  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nina landed and headed straight for her apartment. She packed the things she wanted and shipped them to Section.

Two days after her arrival, she headed into the sub-station. She had goodbyes she needed to say.

  
  


An old friend gave her another CD with the directions to listen to the last song with Michael.

"Claire, it will be a long time before I can do something like that. He hasn't come to terms with my actions yet. And I can't get him to talk of it. Section has trained us both well. Him more so. I am afraid I have destroyed our relationship. I am scared we will never again share what we did and I won't be able to take it. I wish I could find a way to show him how I have changed. His lies and Section manipulations wouldn't bother me now as before. I have matured and grown. I see the whole picture now. Things have changed." Nikita spoke softly.

Claire smiled and told her. "Give it time. He will come around."

Nikita spent a total of three days in Australia before heading home.

On the flight back, she thought of her friend's words. "You are starting to find a balance and are no longer shutting apart of yourself away. I am glad. He will make you happy in the end. You have to fight for him. Good luck, my friend."

She also came to the conclusion that very soon she needed her own place. She didn't want to stay at Michael's much longer. She knew she needed to show that she could get around by herself. Maybe she could convince Operations and Madeline that she was better off staying at Section.

  
  


She sent an e-mail to Operations that simply stated, "I am back."

She crashed at Michael's knowing he was on a mission for two days.

  
  


Michael was not surprised to find Nikita in his house. Madeline and Operations had told him she was back. He was surprised at the smells coming from the kitchen where she was working. He paused at the music, too. It wasn't her hard rock from years passed.

****Another way she has changed!**** he mused and remembered the song from six years ago.

  
  


"Nina, there is a song I want you to hear. I heard it about a year after you left. I had wanted to share it with you then. Now I can," Michael called out before his walls came back up and he remembered he no longer trusted her.

She came into the living room and sat. As he put in the CD, she said softly, "Nikita, Michael. My name is Nikita. I am not the same Nikita from years ago. Time has left its mark." 

Her softly spoken words surprised him, but as he thought about it, he knew she would have stayed in Australia if Nina had won. And he had known from the beginning that Nina would not win. Around him, she would always be Nikita more than Nina.

The words to ****She's Every Woman**** began and he left his thoughts to watch her and listen to the words.

Nikita looked in the direction of Michael. She could not see through her eyes, but she could with her heart. She saw how once those words were true. Now, she saw the doubt mixed in there. "The words are beautiful, Michael. The song is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with me. I am sorry that I couldn't hear it when you thought the words were true and written for me." Her voice was whisper soft.

Michael was shocked at the insight she had into his thoughts.

"I have a song that we need to hear. A friend told me to listen to it with you. She's good at seeing the truth inside people. A year after I had been in Australia, she gave me a song called ****Who's that Girl?****. The words were perfect for Nina. ****She ain't dragging around the same old heartache. She ain't looking through innocent eyes. Although it's clear in the mirror, it's hard to believe that it's really me.**** She gave me that song when I had finished my transformation into Nina. At the time it had fit perfectly." Nikita gave him the CD to put in. "Let's see what message Claire sent this time."

Michael selected the last song and pressed play. He sat down opposite of her.

  
  


Nikita was silent as she let the words to the song ****The Heart Won't Lie**** move her.

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****Looking back over the years, of all the things I've always meant to say, but the words didn't come easily. So many times through empty fears, of all the nights I've tried to pick up the phone, so scared of who might be answering.

****You try to live your life from day to day, but seeing you across the room tonight just gives me away.

****'Cause the heart won't lie. Some times life gets in the way, but there's one thing that won't change, I know I've tried, the heart won't lie. You can leave your alibis. You can see you're lost inside a foolish disguise. The heart won't lie.

****Long after the night, you used to hear my voice through the radio. Oh, a sign that makes us see carelessly. Long after the night, after the fire, after the scattered ashes fly through the full wind blows and gone, will you come back to me?

****You try to live your life from day to day, but seeing you across the room tonight just gives me away.

****'Cause the heart won't lie. Some times life gets in the way, but there's one thing that won't change, I know I've tried. The heart won't lie. You can leave your alibis. You can see you're lost inside a foolish disguise. The heart won't lie. The heart won't lie.****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


Quietly they each had gotten lost in the words of the song and heard the truth in them. When it was over, Michael looked into the Nikita's eyes and smiled.

"Your friend is good at seeing things," Michael spoke softly, still staring deep into Nikita's eyes.

"That she is," she answered, her face looking in Michael's direction. Her mouth was turned up into a small, sad smile. ****The words may be true, but can we ever get passed this?****

Nikita smelled the food she was preparing and left the room in a hurry. As she bumped into the doorway, Michael remembered her injury.

He followed her into the kitchen and watched her move pots, stir and pour things all with graceful ease.

He couldn't stop the question that came out as he tried to understand. "How?" he asked gently.

Nikita smiled. "Practice. It is harder when you've never seen the kitchen before, but I explored everything. I had Walter buy everything I needed and we organized every thing. He helped me measure out all of the ingredients before he left."

Michael smiled, but it disappeared at her next words.

"I am sorry I didn't get to ask you first about having Walter over, but you were out on a mission and I really wanted to cook. But he knew the way. So I let my worry go. I really wanted to make this dish and I was tired of take out. And I needed someone's help." Nikita whispered.

"Walter has been here a few times in the past. It was okay," Michael responded, gently touching her face.

  
  


Things were better between them, the strain was less, but Michael still had yet to talk of his feelings. Nikita knew he never would. But she was comfortable in her new identity.

  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week after Michael's return form his last mission, she approached Madeline.

"I want to return to Section, Madeline. What you and Operations are hoping for may occur in time, but it will be a long time before it does. I need to rebuild his trust in me. I don't want to stay with Michael anymore. If you keep me with him much longer he will begin to resent me as he goes on less and less missions. That will not help this situation. I want my room here back. I understand that an apartment is not possible now. The unfamiliar settings would hurt me more than help, but Michael's house is no longer an option, either. Please, Madeline, end this." Nikita asked.

Madeline knew the young woman was correct. The forced coinhabitance was not going as well as hoped. And she could see how it was hurting them. She nodded.

"I will talk with Operations," she agreed.

  
  


Madeline knew it wouldn't be too hard to convince him. He wanted his best operative back.

"Let her leave Michael's place. She wants to stay here at Section. Return Michael to full status. We are harming their relationship. We need to let them go on their own." Madeline told him.

Operations nodded. He had seen the problems too. "Send Walter with her to move. She has her old quarters."

  
  


Three hours later, Nikita was moved in and had Walter and Birkoff helping her set up her stuff in her quarters. It was hard and slow going, but they finished before Michael returned from his mission.

"Guys, let's go out for dinner! I haven't been to the Café in years!!" Nikita suggested when they were done. "My treat if some one takes me!" She smiled

It was a fun dinner and Nikita enjoyed the tension free atmosphere. The underlying distrust and tension that was always present when she was with Michael was depressing.

"Thank you, guys, for taking me out and for understanding," she whispered as they dropped her off at Section.

  
  


Michael was waiting in her Section quarters for her.

"What is going on?" Michael demanded.

"It is time I left your place, Michael. My staying there is only hurting us more. I know I need to rebuild your trust in me, if I can. My staying and enabling you from going on missions only compounds your hatred of me and my actions. You resent me. So I demanded that you be returned to active status and I live here. Madeline and Operations agreed with me. It will be better this way all around." Nikita answered simply, truthfully. "I can't take the tension anymore. I knew that my own apartment was out of the question, so I settled for this. I really didn't have much of a choice."

She headed for her bed and laid down.

Michael got her hint and left. He didn't have anything really to say to her words.

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nikita did not see Michael much as the next two weeks passed. And she didn't mind. Nikita was trying to convince Operations to let her be on missions as ears.

  
  


She finally did convince him when her check up pronounced her fit except for her sight.

  
  


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael was surprised at her presence in the briefing room.

Nikita listened intently as Operations explained the mission. When he had finished, Birkoff started to speak. He had made up a board for her to study the layout of the building while everyone else studied the 3D version. She committed it to memory.

Operations ended the briefing. "You all know your parts. Be ready in three hours."

Michael was wondering, still, at Nikita's presence.

  
  


Nikita, ignoring Michael's confusion, went to Walter to get outfitted.

"I want my usuals, okay?" she asked.

Walter replied, "Sure, sugar. Been updated a bit since your last time here…" and went on to explain the changes in each piece.

  
  


Three hours later, the team headed out.

Nikita took her position and reported in and listened as each other operative did the same.

The day passed as Michael set up his cover.

  
  


It was the next night that the action was scheduled to happen.

Nikita was enjoying listening to Michael sing, it had been a long time since she had. Yet, she was Jewel. She heard and sensed everything around her.

That was why she moved when she did. Birkoff saw her dot moving on his monitor and wondered what was going on. "Jewel, report," he commanded.

She ignored the voice in her ear. She had to get the timing just right, other wise there would be big problems.

Michael heard Birkoff and the following silence. He had seen her move, but lost her in the crowd.

Jewel got herself in position and Michael saw her again. She was right by the stage and she was listening intently. He didn't see the knife until she caught it in midair.

"Abort NOW! Michael MOVE!" she ordered into her com set. She had the authority to issue the command.

Jewel followed Michael after a minute. She knew things weren't right.

She found him in a fire fight and hit. She was at his side in seconds. She turned and fired, hitting her mark easily.

  
  


Michael was loosing blood fast.

Jewel clipped out the question. "How bad? And don't tell me you are fine! I will check you out if you do!"

Michael started at her voice. He had no idea who this person was.

"Bad," was his concession to it.

In one fluid motion, Jewel lifted him over her shoulder, ordered Birkoff to the back alley way and shot their way to the alley door.

"Birkoff, direct me to the Van!" she ordered once she was at the door.

Through his precise directions, she arrived at the van easily.

She put Michael down and ordered the van to leave.

"Alex, check out Michael's wound. Sedate him if you must," she ordered one operative, then told Birkoff to get Operations on the line. She filled him in briefly.

Birkoff studied Jewel, but was not surprised at her. He had worked with her before. He could see Michael's shock.

Birkoff whispered to Jewel. "Michael is shocked."

"I warned him I wasn't the same Nikita!" she whispered back. Louder she said, "Thanks for the directions to the van, Birkoff. I heard it, but with the shooting, I couldn't get an exact fix on its position." With those words, Jewel was quiet.

Operations and Madeline met the van.

"Michael, MedLab. Jewel, debrief, my office," Operations ordered.

  
  


Jewel gave her story. She detailed everything she knew.

Three hours later, she finished her debriefing.

"Good work, Nikita. But I still will not put you on full active status. I will use you more, but until you regain your sight, I won't put you on full status. You are too valuable to loose." Operations told her as she reached the door.

"I know." She whispered. Nikita was back in control.

She went to get a report on Michael's condition. As she had suspected, he had already left MedLab.

While there Nikita had her own bullet wound checked out. It was just a flesh wound, but it was bleeding still. Nikita was beginning to feel the effects of her blood loss. She figured no one had noticed her wound. Most probably assumed that it was Michael's blood that stained her field dress. If anyone had looked closely, they would see that the blood was still fresh after over three hours. Nikita got it stitched up and headed to her quarters.

Operations had noticed the wound and silently commended her for her tolerance of pain. But he called MedLab to make sure she had had it checked out.

  
  


All Nikita wanted was a shower and rest. She figured she could get four hours in before the nightmares started. But she should have known that that wouldn't happen.

"Michael," she stated as she entered her quarters. She could recognize almost everyone in Section by their breathing patterns.

He remained silent, staring at her. His sharp eyes noticed the small white patch under her black field suit. ****She had been shot?**** He hadn't even noticed.

"Let me guess. You want to know about the knife incident. Or is it my shooting ability? Or could it be my orders? What about my machine-mode, Jewel? Or how come you never noticed I had been shot? What about my lack of sight not hindering my abilities? Or how did I know about the knife and the whole problem? Did I miss anything?" Nikita fired questions at him, suddenly angry, after she allowed a few moments of silence. "Maybe you think I am in league with whoever set this mission up. But we both know it goes deeper than that. You feel I betrayed you. May be I did. I know that I need to try and rebuild your trust in me. Hell, I even know I probably never will be able to! And I resent that you hold the fact that I have changed against me! I know you do. You don't like the fact that you can't manipulate me like in the past. I told you before that I am not the same Nikita you once knew. I warned you. I can't go back to her and what is more is that I won't! As Nina, I saw how I hurt everyone around me and myself and I won't do that anymore. I won't hurt others because of me. Josephine was weak. Jewel is a damn good operative, close to the best. I am damn proud of her, of my ability to be her! She doesn't let her team down and she prevents as many casualties as possible. You really hate the fact that I am not the Nikita you once knew. I am not nor will ever be again. We have both changed. You are no longer the Michael I once loved." Nikita laughed harshly. "When I was captured, there wasn't much of a reprieve from the torture. But during one, I allowed myself to think of you. I was near the end and I knew it. I wanted a sweet memory I could hold to, so I thought of you. And I wished that I had had the guts to tell you that when I had the chance. I never did and I accept the fact that I never will have that chance, because we neither of us are the same people we once were. That Nikita is dead. I am a new Nikita. A combination of her and Nina. Jewel will always be my version of your machine-mode. She is the one person you will have to get used to because you will work with her. That I am sure of. You also resent that we rival each other as operatives, in most things. Madeline thinks that we are very similar. Our mission planning, tolerance of pain, most things that make us the best, rival each other's. I once believed that you and Jewel were the same. But now I know there is one thing that separates us. I will never be able to master your ability to shut everyone out, to not care about anyone. You don't give a damn about anyone, even yourself. I once thought that you did, that you even cared about me. But I am beginning to see that you don't, at least not now. And maybe you once did. Maybe I changed that in you. But you don't care, not anymore. Now GET OUT OF MY ROOM, please!" Nikita finished her speech forcefully.

Her words were like acid, eating at him. He did leave. He had never uttered a word.

Nikita sighed. ****Damn him and his ability to get to me like that!**** She didn't know where exactly her words and anger had come from. It had been over seven years since she had lost her control like that. Even then she had had better control over her emotions.

She shook her head and headed straight for the shower.

Nikita got two hours of sleep before the nightmares took over. She got dressed again and walked the deserted halls of Section One.

At two a.m., she found herself outside of Michael's office. She stopped there and for the first time in over seven years, she allowed the memories of her first time in Section One to come to the surface. Nikita knew she had to deal with everything if she was truly going to find a balance. She remembered the good times with Michael and the bad. And for the first time, the good seemed to outweigh the bad.

"I am sorry, Michael. I am sorry for the words I have said to you in anger now and in the past. I am sorry for how I have changed you. But things just can't go back. The past is gone and all we have is today," she whispered to his door. She allowed a single tear to fall and then moved on.

Her mind brought forth the words a Section doctor had told her after seeing to her bullet wound. "The blindness may not be temporary. You should be seeing light and dark by now, at least."

Nikita wondered what she would do if it was permanent. How long would she have until Operations was ordered to cancel her? How long could she prove her usefulness?

Nikita shook her head to clear her thoughts. She would not allow herself to think like that. She would regain her sight.

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both Nikita and Michael had a few days recovery time because of their bullet wounds.

Michael stayed away from Section and Nikita. He need to think about her words. They haunted him day and night.

****They are words the old Nikita would not have said, but the anger was what she would have expressed. Maybe it is time we talked. We can't stay like this anymore. Does she really think that I don't care about anyone?**** Michael thought. 

****Have you ever shown her any other side? Especially since she returned?**** a little voice, deep within him asked.

He knew they both had today off for recovery. Maybe he could convince her to let him take her out of Section. She wasn't really able to leave on her own.

Then Michael realized something else. She had been blind for five months. A bad feeling washed over him at the thought of her blindness being permanent.

  
  


Meanwhile, Nikita was up and searching for a CD. She was in the mood for a certain song. She had her vast CD collection meticulously organized. It was the only way she'd be able to find one.

She smiled as the familiar chords played. But it vanished as the words hit home.

Unknown to Nikita, Michael was at her quarter's door when the song began. He stopped to listen to the words when Nikita's soft, sad voice could be heard singing along.

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****You and me, we used to be together, everyday together, always. I really feel I'm loosing my best friend. I can't believe this could be the end. It looks as though you're letting go. And if it's real, then I don't want to know.

****Don't speak. I know just what you're saying, so please stop explaining. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts. Don't speak. I know what you're thinking. I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.

****Our memories, they can be inviting, but some are altogether mighty frightening. As we die, both you and I, with my head in my hands, I sit and cry.

****Don't speak. I know just what you're saying, so please stop explaining. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts. Don't speak. I know what you're thinking. I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.

****It's all ending. I gotta stop pretending who we are. You and me. I can see us dying...are we?

****Don't speak. I know just what you're saying, so please stop explaining. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts. Don't speak. I know what you're thinking. I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


At the song's end, he heard her whisper these words: "We are dead. If we were ever alive." Her voice, with its sadness, reached him.

He knew exactly who she was talking about. He didn't open her door. Instead he headed to his office.

"She warned you that she wasn't the same. That time had left its mark on her. You could see it, yet you wanted her to be the same and punished her because she wasn't. She doesn't want to return to the past. She doesn't want your resentment or your guilt, or even your forgiveness. She just wants you to accept her for who she is now. You are not the reason she has changed. You never were. She, herself, is. You have to let go of the past, Michael. This time around, you do have the power to make her stay. But you also have the power to push her away. And this time she won't be coming back if she leaves. You don't want her to be like you, and you won't accept who she is, but you won't help her to change. You need to make a choice. Time is running out." Walter told him quietly and left. He knew the words the doctors had told Nikita two days ago.

Michael wondered at Walter's words. ****Am I that easy to read right now?**** He knew he wasn't. They just thought they knew him well, that they could guess what he was feeling. Michael would never let it show just how close they really were.

  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Operations called Madeline into his office.

"We have a problem," he told her.

"Nikita's lack of sight," she answered.

"We need to demonstrate her usefulness to the Agency. Not just yet, but soon. The Agency will ask for it soon," Operations agreed.

"What about Michael, Walter and Birkoff? Should we tell them?" Madeline asked, already knowing Operations' answer.

"No. Walter knows, I'm sure. It is her news to tell." Operations was firm on that.

"Like she talks to Michael! The only time they talk is on a mission and by then, they are both are in mission mode!" Madeline laughed sardonically.

"Maybe we should have just let her stay in Australia," Operations mused and then shook his head. "It doesn't matter now. She wouldn't survive there anymore. Nina isn't around to protect her."

Madeline had her doubts about that, but she kept them to herself. "Maybe we can bring up a friend for her. She hasn't really been able to leave Section in these five months. Even at Michael's, she was restricted. She might be better off, at least for a little while. And she does need to balance her two personas," Madeline suggested.

Operations nodded, smiling. "Claire."

  
  
  
  
  
  


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day Claire received her orders to report to Section One headquarters.

  
  


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But those plans would have to be put on hold.

"Briefing, ten minutes!" he told Madeline, Walter, Birkoff, Michael and Nikita.

Nikita listened intently as Operations detailed the mission.

"What is my part?" she asked, dreading the answer. She knew what it would be, but she prayed she was wrong. She wasn't.

"You will play Michael's wife. We need your ears and skills for this to work." Operations answered her. Nikita thought she detected a hint of sorrow in his voice. Operations was sorry. But he needed to prove Nikita's worth to the Agency. He had no doubts about her abilities.

"Birkoff, I want constant supervision whenever possible. I want someone to be able to tell Nikita everything that can be seen-- especially where people are." Operations ordered. "Walter, your best com sets. Get to work! Madeline will supply wardrobe."

  
  


"Operations. They are asking about my abilities already, aren't they?" Nikita stopped him in the hall a while later.

"Yes. I am sorry, but you are too valuable to loose," he answered her.

  
  


"You will do fine. We'll be there to back you up and Michael won't let anything happen to you," Walter told her hours later.

"I know," she answered, but wondered about Michael. There was a time that he would have protected her with his life, but she feared that time was over.

"I know about the doctor's report," Walter spoke suddenly.

"The Agency is questioning my usefulness already." She nodded. "No one else is to know. I know Operations and Madeline do, but I don't want Michael or Birkoff knowing."

Nikita headed out, but stopped in the doorway. "Thanks, Walter!"

  
  


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The mission wasn't easy. It was a mid-cover operations, so they spent a few days setting up their cover. After initial set up, things moved faster.

  
  


Nikita picked up limited information and made sure the room searches revealed nothing.

  
  


It was she that recovered the information Section wanted. In the end, Michael was made.

It wasn't hard for her to sneak through, retrieve the intel in question and get out. Everyone underestimated her because of her lack of sight.

But as soon as she handed Walter the intel, she left the van again. She had to get Michael. He may not trust her, but she couldn't leave him.

She came in as they were planning on killing Michael.

"You may want to rethink your plan," a hard, cold voice spoke from behind.

The man in question, Steven Wilkenson, slowly turned to face the voice and was surprised at the gun and the coldness in the woman's voice and eyes.

"You?" he whispered in a question.

"Me." She answered simply and fired one silenced shot.

"Let's move!" She ordered. Michael could walk. She lead them out and motioned him to precede to the van first. Michael was wise enough not to argue with her. Jewel was not one to argue with.

The blast shocked them all, Nikita the most.

"Nikita!" Birkoff yelled and watched her go down on the video screen in front of him. She wasn't getting up.

Michael uttered no words. He just left the van. Backup team operatives offered cover fire as he retrieved her limp body.

  
  


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her prognosis was short. "She received a severe blow to the head. We can't be sure of the damage until she regains consciousness."

Operations cursed. "Madeline, Walter, Birkoff, Michael, my office, NOW! Claire, stay with Nikita."

"Nikita went on this mission because the Agency is questioning her usefulness to Section. She knew it and accepted it." Operations started. "You all know that over seven and a half years ago, she left us. She became one of Section's best. Somehow, like only a select few before her, she was able to keep her heart and soul free from Section. She survived and here, her light remained because we all kept her alive in our memories. Now, almost six months ago, she returned to us. Maybe I should have let her stay in Australia. It would have been easier for her and god knows nothing has been easy for her. But I was selfish, I wanted her back here. She has been through a lot and she has changed with all that she has been through. She was ready for this mission, physically. But mentally, she won't be ready for a while. She is struggling with a lot of things. Some she can control, others she expected. She was doing well for a while, surviving like she always does, but before this mission, she received some news. The doctors feel her loss of sight may be permanent. Because of this, the Agency is looking for any reason to cancel her. She has bought herself more time with this mission. I just wish that THIS hadn't been the result. When Nikita wakes up, she will be given time off once she is able to leave MedLab and she will spend it with Claire. If she wants to see you, let her make first contact. She needs time to deal with everything. Just like you all need time to deal with her return. We may soon find that we need to give her a reason to live." Operations spoke quietly. He feared she would find no reason to live with her loss of sight and Michael.

Madeline was surprised by Operations insight, but she didn't let it show. She feared they would loose her again, but not by death.

Michael felt a chill run through him and fought to suppress it. He knew most of Operations words were directed at him.

  
  
  
  


Four days later, Nikita released herself from MedLab.

She and Claire were in her quarters, packing.

"Claire, make me a copy of the song ****The Great Divide**** by Tim McGraw, please." Nikita asked suddenly. Soon, it would be perfect to send to someone.

Nikita and Claire had the month off. Unknown to anyone, she had decided to spend her month off in Australia. She had no intention of coming back.

Nikita packed her things with Claire's help. Everyone assumed that she was moving into an apartment that she would return to after her month off. They were wrong.

  
  


On the plane, she said simply, "I am not going back, Claire."

"I know, honey," she whispered and squeezed Nikita's hand. Clare had been so sure, but then she hadn't known the extent of Section's hold on Michael and the extent of his control. "I am sorry."

Nikita gave a small, sad smile as acknowledgment of her friend's words.

They chatted about the past six months during the rest of the plane ride.

  
  


Nikita settled herself in her old apartment and then spent her month visiting places she had never gotten to see before with Claire. All too soon her month was up.

  
  


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The five packages arrived on the same day, the day Nikita was to return.

Operations, Madeline, Birkoff, Walter and Michael each received one, or rather found one on their desks.

Operations and Madeline saw the packages and knew it was trouble. Madeline took hers to Operation's office and there they opened them.

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****Dear Operations and Madeline,

I know you are reading these together, just as I know you understood the significance of them when you first saw them. I am not returning. I am better suited here now. All I do is cause pain there. Some have forgiven me, but the one who has not is hurting the most. And my staying will only destroy the best operative Section One ever created. I am sorry it had to be this way. I am sorry that your plans of us one day taking over for you will not come to pass. I am sorry for a lot of things, but the past can not be rewritten. What has happened has happened. It can not be undone.

Goodbye.

Love, N****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


Birkoff and Walter found theirs simultaneously.

  
  
  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****Dear Walter and Birkoff,

You are two of the greatest friends a girl could have. I will always hold you in my heart. But I can not stay, not here, and not now. I caused so much pain and only I can end it. It was never meant to be, anyway. I will always miss you and think of you. You have helped me become who I am and for that I am forever grateful. I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I think I sensed that you had before I left and I am grateful. I wish I could forgive myself. Remember me always.

Goodbye friends.

Love, N****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


Michael found the package on his desk and stared at it. Opening it he found a tape with a note taped to it. ****Play this last.****

He found the other note and read that first, as instructed.

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****Michael,

I am sorry for a lot of things in my life. Most of them have to do with you. The angry words I have said in the past, I wish I could take them back. But like the past, things can not be rewritten or taken back. All one can do is say they are sorry. And I truly am. I have hurt you more than you ever thought of hurting me. It was never supposed to be like this, but I see that it also was never meant to be. 

We both have changed, Michael. Maybe not for the better. I know I am the cause if it. I am the cause of a lot of pain around Section One. That is why I left seven and a half years ago and that is why I left now. When I left before, I thought it was for good. But fate has a way of changing things. But, I should never have returned. My return only hurt you more.

On the tape I enclosed, there is only one song. It is country, but listen to the words, Michael, for they were written for us. All I can hope is that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I know that I will never forgive myself for all the pain I have caused you.

And I hope that one day you will be able to see the reasons I had for doing what I did then and now. Someday, we both will be able to see, Michael. I know that in my heart.

Goodbye, Michael. And know these words to be true. You always carry my heart. I knew it when I first saw you and that will never change. What you do with it is up to you, Michael. I already lost.

N****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


Michael stared at the words. It wasn't long before Walter's words came back to haunt him. "You have to let go of the past, Michael. This time around you do have the power to make her stay. But you also have the power to push her away. And this time she won't becoming back if she leaves....You need to make a choice. Time is running out."

"Time has run out," Michael whispered to the darkness in his office. He got up and put in the tape. Soft, sad words and melodies filled the dark office.

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****She was reading a book that she'd already read

****Just to pass the time.

****He just sat there and stared at the TV set

****Like he was barely alive.

****And when the local news was over

****They would climb the stairs

****And crawl in bed underneath the covers

****Like neither one was there.

  
  


****It's a long, long way

****Across the Great Divide

****The songs that they once sang

****Now echo far and wide

****They could still get back

****All the love that they have lost

****Only if they both will reach across

****It's a long, long way to the other side

****Of the Great Divide.

  
  


****He was up in the attic on the Fourth of July

****'Cause they flew a flag in the yard

****When he found some old roses she had long ago dried

****Before they drifted apart.

****And how the years had slipped right by them.

****He didn't understand

****He carried a petal into the kitchen

****And placed it in her hand.

  
  


****It's a long, long way

****Across the Great Divide

****The songs that they once sang

****Now echo far and wide

****They could still get back

****All the love that they have lost

****But only if they both will reach across

****'Cause it's a long, long way to the other side

****Of the Great Divide.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


The words hit home and Michael saw Nikita's meaning in them. He looked around at his office and for the first time noticed it. The shadows seemed darker now. The light in his world was slowly fading because he was making it fade. He saw it then, clearly, what he was doing. What his life would be like this time without her. He had survived those seven years because he kept her alive inside him. This time, when he had her again, he pushed her away, slowly killing her. This time he knew she was alive, but that she no longer believed in him. And that thought nearly killed him. Instead of keeping her alive, he destroyed her. She had left because she felt it was the only way she could save him from himself. She had fought him to get him to see the truth, but he had held her at bay until she thought his only hope of survival was to leave again.

And with knowing his, Michael hung his head in defeat.

  
  


He left Section One slowly that day. Those that saw him leave saw him as having aged beyond years.

  
  


Operations and Madeline both saw it. Nikita had finally broken through his barriers until there was nothing left for Michael to hide behind.

"He has to go to her. She will never come back unless she knows he is the one that wants her to return." Madeline spoke softly.

"I know," Operations answered, his eyes never leaving Michael's form. 

"This is my fault." he whispered after Michael was out of sight as he slumped into his chair. "What I did to him in the past created this. And for that I will be forever sorry."

Madeline said nothing. There was nothing she could say. She just squeezed his shoulder before heading out.

  
  


Michael made it home, barely. He wasn't functioning anymore. The knowledge of what he had destroyed broke him like no one ever had. He had always felt guilty that he had destroyed Nikita's innocence, but he saw now that he never did. He had blamed himself for the trust he had destroyed during the WAR, but he saw now he never had. He saw the truth Nikita had always tried to show him. Now, after she was gone. He saw her reasons as clear as day.

Days passed. Nikita's words haunted him with the words to the song. His light, the one Nikita had kindled was dimming fast. He was giving up hope and his guilt was eating him alive.

  
  


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walter allowed it to go on for a week. Then he went over to Michael's and let himself in. It was time somebody set that boy straight.

The first thing he did was open every single blind in the house. He need to let the light in. And for the first time in a week, the sun shown brightly. Walter took it as a sign.

"Time to wake up, boy!" Walter said, shaking Michael wake roughly.

"Shower." Walter ordered.

Michael obeyed. He saw the threat in the older man's eyes.

Walter made some food. He could tell it had been a while since the boy had eaten.

"Eat." came the order.

When Michael had finished to Walter's satisfaction, Walter spoke again. This time his voice was soft. "We all warned you, Michael. I told you time was running out. Nikita warned you that she had changed. You just refused to listen. She sent you that letter not to destroy you, but to help you understand her. You haven't lost her, Michael. She is waiting for you. She had given up hope that you could forgive her and yourself for the past. Without your forgiveness, she will never be able to forgive herself. She will return, Michael, you just need to go and get her. You need to show her that you do understand, that you see who she is now and do not hold the past against hert. Section made you both what you are, but you can each make each other better. It is in your hands, Michael. You have to reach across to save yourself and her. You know where she is. Don't let what she has always tried to save, what she has given her heart and soul to save, go out, Michael. If you do, then you will have lost her."

And with those words, Walter left. There was nothing else he could do or say. It was Michael's choice. He had to reach across the Great Divide. Nikita no longer could.

Walter smiled at her song choice. He knew that songs had always been the way those two could communicate. He had seen it in the past.

  
  


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Nikita had returned to the substation.

"Miller, Quinten. Meet me in Durango's office. There are some things I need to say." Nikita told them as she entered the substation for the first time in months.

  
  


Once in the office, all sa the changes in her.

"Nina, what..." Quinten started to ask, but Nikita cut him off.

"My name is Nikita. Nina was my creation. I came here almost eight years ago from Section One Headquarters. There I was Nikita and Josephine was my codename. Things happened and I couldn't stay there any longer. I had changed and I was hurting the people I considered my family. I couldn't take that so I came here as Nina. I buried my memories of Section One and everyone there. When I left for that one mission, I was to retrieve someone I care a great deal for. I did retrieve him. Then I returned. You have all noticed far away looks that last less then a second or a hidden smile. They were memories from a time passed resurfacing. I did that one mission because, as much as I had changed, the past can never be completely forgotten or buried. Then came my capture. Walter, Birkoff and Michael retrieved me. I returned to Section One. I healed. I tried to deal with the past, but not all could forgive. Not that I could forgive myself. So I left once again, returning here before I destroyed the person I had given my heart to. But these months away from here have changed me again. I am no longer Nina. She was never a true representation of who I am. I am Nikita again, but different from the one of my past. Nikita and Nina are both a part of me. Slowly I am balancing them. But Jewel is my mission mode persona and always will be." Nikita gave her speech. She ended it simply. "I am not on full status yet. I may never return to it. My loss of sight may be permanent. No one is sure. Only time will tell."

Nikita left the office then and wandered the halls. It seemed like a life time ago that she was Nina.

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days passed and Nikita was sent out on a mission that went drastically wrong.

She was only supposed to be ears. But when the bullets started, she could not let the innocents or her team members die. She returned fire, drawing the gunmen away from the crowd and her team. Four bullet wounds later she went down, but she had taken all of the gun men with her. Her com unit was dead. Her team was gone. She had sent them out long before. And she was loosing blood fast. She had been hit in the thigh, the right shoulder, left chest and right arm. She knew her arm was shattered. Her chest wounds were bleeding badly as was her thigh. She could do nothing to stop the bleeding, not with one hand. She knew this time she was not going to make it.

  
  
  
  


The moment her com unit went out, Quinten ordered the van to turn around and head back to the shoot out.

"Quinten, she ordered us to return to base!" An operative protested.

"Yeah and the last time she did that was to save us and you remember what happened then. She was captured and tortured and nearly destroyed. She is still blind from it. I WON'T let that happened again. We are going back to get her!" Quinten argued and everyone was silent. He was right. Nikita or Nina had always put her team over herself. It was time her team did the same.

  
  


They found her unconscious nearly an hour after her com unit went out.

Twenty minutes later she was at the substation with doctors working frantically to keep her alive.

  
  


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile Walter's words had sank in. Michael headed for the airport. He could be in Australia in twenty hours.

  
  


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Operations got the call just two hours after Michael's plane took off.

"Oh, no," he whispered, dropping the phone.

Madeline saw his face go deathly pale. Something was drastically wrong.

"What is it, Oscar?" she questioned, forgetting for the first time in over ten years to call him Operations.

"Nikita. She is critically wounded. They don't think she'll make the night. Four bullet wounds. Two to the chest. One shattered her right arm, the other did damage to her left thigh." Came his whispered words.

"Dear god," Madeline whispered. And then she prayed. ****Let Michael make it there in time. If he reaches her, she will live. Please let her live!****

  
  


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael knew nothing of the events of Nikita's mission. He had not taken is cell phone. He did not want to hear the order calling him back.

  
  


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quinten and Miller left Nikita's side once, when the doctors had to revive her after her heart stopped.

They knew their friend was giving up. They had known since she had returned that she had no reason to live. They were frantically searching for a way to give her one.

  
  


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Durango saw him enter.

"There is a GOD!!" he breathed and hurried over to him.

"Michael. We need to talk." Durango told the younger man. "This isn't about not allowing you to see Nikita. This is to prepare you for the sight of her."

Michael stopped at the older man's words. Something had happened to Nikita!

"She was shot four times. Once to the left thigh, once to the right arm, shattering it, and twice to the chest. She saved her team as she always does. The problem is she doesn't have any will to live. She is giving up." Durango told him simply. He knew this man could change that.

He lead him to her room.

"Quinten, Miller. You need to leave now." Durango ordered.

Miller and Quinten both recognized the man and they knew it was he their friend had given her heart to long ago.

"Bring her back to us," they whispered and left.

  
  


Michael stared at Nikita for the longest time.

"Nikita, you must live. Without you, I can not. I need you." He whispered hoarsely, the tears coming now.

  
  


And for the next thirty hours, Michael did not move from her side. He told her what had happened when he received her last letter. He told her what he had realized. He told her the simple truth. He could not live without her any longer.

  
  


After that, Michael, himself, collapsed from lack of sleep and food.

  
  


It was four days after Michael had arrived that she opened her eyes and saw him there. That gave her pause. She could see! She could see his beautiful face! He was here! All the words she had heard had been him. He had reached across.

She tried to say his name, but she couldn't. Her throat was sore and dry. Her lips were cracked. Nikita forced herself to try again and again until she finally croaked out his name.

"Michael," came the croak.

He heard it and instantly sat up, looking around. He had heard his name, he knew he had, but there was no one in the room. He looked at Nikita and finally saw the clear blue eyes staring back at him. 

She tried his name again.

"Shhh, mon ami," he whispered, touching his fingers to her lips. "Do not talk. Would you like something to drink?"

Nikita smiled cautiously.

He got her water.

"I love you," she whispered softly, her voice weak.

  
  


The next sound Michael heard was a flatline.

  
  


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**** Dear Michael,

You must have hope and you must believe. You can never give those two things up. They are what keeps us going when life gets hard. Love is a rose. Roses have thorns. You can not let her die in your memory, Michael. That is where she will always be. Listen to the words of this song. You will understand. You must live on, not for you, but for her. It is what she wanted. She gave her heart and soul to bring you back to life. Do not let her love be in vain.

Claire****

  
  
  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you.

****That is how I know you go on

****Far across the distance and spaces between us

****You have come to show you go on.

  
  


****Near, far, wherever you are.

****I believe that the heart does go on

****Once more, you opened the door

****And you're here in my heart

****And my heart will go on.

  
  


****Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime

****And never let go till we're gone.

****Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to

****In my life, we'll always go on.

  
  


****Near, far, wherever you are.

****I believe that the heart does go on

****Once more, you opened the door

****And you're here in my heart

****And my heart will go on.

  
  


****You're here, there's nothing I fear,

****And I know that my heart will go on.

****We'll stay forever this way

****You are safe in my heart

****And my heart will go on and on.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


Michael heard the words and understood Claire's words. Nikita may have left this world, but she would always live on in his heart.

He reached to turn off the CD, when Claire's voice started.

  
  


****Now that you understand, here is one last song. I know you will understand this too.****

  
  


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

****I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone. All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind. Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea. All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind. Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky. It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.****

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  
  


****Always refuse to see and know that the pain will not last.****

  
  


And true to Claire's words, the pain receded. And only the happy memories of a love that, in the end, withstood it all, including the tests of time and death, remained.

  
  


THE END

  
  
  
  


IN WRITING THIS STORY, I HAVE INCLUDED MANY SONGS. THEY ARE:

1. Insensitive by: Jann Arden

2. Who's That Girl by: Stephanie Bentley

3. She's Every Woman by: Garth Brooks

4. The Heart Won't Lie by: Reba McIntire and Vince Gill

5. Don't Speak by: No Doubt

6. The Great Divide by: Tim McGraw

7. The Heart Will Go On by: Celine Dion

8. Dust In The Wind by: Kansas

  
  


ALSO THE POEM IN WALTER AND BIRKOFF'S FIRST NOTE IS ****UNTILTLED by: ANONYMOUS****.


End file.
